Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Finding That guardian (Angel)...
It's funny the things that pop into your head. As we were driving home from a lovely day out with my parents at the weekend I inexplicably chose that time to hit my tired, 'been driving for an hour' husband with;
"We really need to up our life insurance, make a will and discuss who would be Daisy's Guardian should anything happen to us."
Oh yes, not one but all three of those little gems all at once while he attempted to negotiate the Sunday evening traffic on the M1 and all in that slightly neurotic 'we have to do it now, we're terrible parents' tone I have a tendency to adopt when we discuss things like this.
While I have sympathy for Mr R it is a very real concern, D was sleeping in the back and perhaps it was seeing her like that, a picture of pure innocence that bought it home how precious she is and how important it is we make sure she is safe and looked after for the rest of her life even if we can't be there to do it. It got me thinking, am I alone in not having this sorted, has everyone made "those plans" for their little ones and even more terrifying how do you choose the right person / people to care for the most important person in your lives?
Of course we've touched on a the subject about who before, even had casual non committing discussions with said people, but I can't get rid of the feeling we are asking the biggest ask of all. Yes we wish for D to be cared for, clothed, fed and taught but most of all we want her to be loved, loved like a Mummy and Daddy love their children and that is a huge ask - especially if those people have children of their own. Then there's the issue of siblings, we have never intended for D to be an only child but to ask somebody to look after two children? - that big ask is just getting bigger.
I found myself sitting there as we edged closer and closer to home fretting over the little things, things we discussed together as Daisy's parents, promises we made each other about her future. We would teach her to swim, encourage her to learn to drive and show her the places in the world which are special to us. And then there are the things she can't do, no ear piercing till she's old enough to look after them, no chocolate for breakfast (Easter and Christmas are obvious exceptions) and I was going to put no drinking milk from the cereal bowl but Mr R appears to have already blown that one! I can feel my blood pressure rising just at the thought of it, I can barely relinquish control of her now so how can I realistically make plans for someone else to do it for the rest of her life!
Parenting throws some pretty sharp curve balls at you along the way but this feels like one of the bigger ones so far and the only way to avoid it consuming me from the inside out is to face it head on. Follow my head a little and my heart a lot and sit down with Mr R to make what could be some of the most important decisions of our lives. I think this is a subject I'll need to come back to. Who said parenting was easy?